As it was nearing the end of a very long term, the children were going slightly crazy and to be honest they weren't the only ones. What with report writing and then editing them individually a hundred times (slight exaggeration), followed by my first parent teacher interviews, work seemed to follow my thoughts everywhere. Everything started becoming deadlines, things to do before the end of term. I swear my head has been jumbled for the last few weeks...possibly months! On top of that, my emotional situation became delicate this week. With a relationship on the rocks and counting the days until break up, I was slowly getting irritated and upset with myself and the people around me. After the parent interview shin dig, my co-teacher and I were told a member of our class was leaving at the end of the week. We weren't prepared for this news and in our stressed out, end of term state of mind, we became increasingly emotional. This particular child made the class interesting, fun and testing at times. With a lovely personality and real spunkyness. Their mother has been a solid rock of support for my co-teacher and I. With her level headedness she helped us through situations like camp...and help me when I accidently killed all of the peace lillies in class (sorry Tez!). The end of the week came very quickly and we arranged a 'farewell' group for the child. Seeing other children in floods of tears tested my strength! It was very hard to allow them to leave the close nit community.
I arrived home after a glass of wine with fellow teachers and the prinicpal, feeling happier yet still reflective. A close friend of mine popped by and dropped me a letter that then set me in my stead for the evening. I have always found writing my thoughts a lot easier than talking about them, however I never knew this side of my boyfriend. The letter did what we couldn't do face to face. Knowing we have seperate directions in life, yet two and a half years down the line...it's hard to let go of the person that has always been there for you. Having been in New Zealand for four years, nearly three of those years were spent with Christian. Off and on, and messy at times. But always appreciative of each other. Things had changed over these years, and essentially we continued to try and hold on to the relationship we first had, ignoring the changes and unable to adapt. With plans for our futures developing, we knew the end was near and the love for each other was slowly fading as we were following our paths to the future...like a fork in the road.
Last night, I spent most of time on the phone. The first phone call to my parents I spent the whole time in tears. Overwhelmed by everything. Everything came up and out and I sobbed for the world. After an hour, they had to run my Nephew to school (they're in Wales at the moment). So as a start to my refresh, I changed my bed sheets and did the washing up, knowing that this would benefit my state of mind by the morning. Twenty minutes later I had another call from my parents, I think I had worried them with how depressive I was sounding! This time, the phone call was not full of tears. More of understanding and positive vibes. I sat and chatted to them and sipped a whiskey. What a Friday night!
I awoke at 7.30 this morning. I debated whether to be lazy and lay there. I debated whether to text a friend and ask if they wanted to go walking. I then thought, depending on others and their company does not really help my independence. So, I got up and dressed. Leaving my phone on my bedside table, I left the house and jumped in the car. Five minutes later I pulled up outside a cafe selling my favourite coffee. I swindled them slightly being 10cents short of a $4 coffee, but I'll go back tomorrow and leave a tip I think. I took my coffee to the beach.
The sun had gently risen, the grass was still laden with dew and there was not a cloud in the pale blue and pink sky. I sat on a bench with my coffee warming my hands, aware of the joggers trapessing past behind me, my eyes fell on the dog walkers throwing sticks and tennis balls out into the tranquil water. It made me think of how the earth seems to start all over again in the morning. As if, the traffic and people have not disturbed it yet and it can just be natural. It made me ponder on the phrase, 'Tomorrow is another day'.
I arrived home and felt amazingly refreshed. Still aware of the presence of my feelings, yet able to accept them. It is the way it is, I am allowed to feel this way, but I should not allow it to take over my appreciation for other things. Looking out of the window now, I see the houses and the sky is dotted with clouds. This morning was special.
The picture, I took on Thursday morning as I arrived at school. Every morning I think about how beautiful it is and how I should take a picture. I made time to appreciate it that morning.
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