Have a Little Patience...

"Patience is a virtue" my mum would say, as I would jump up and down waiting for a proper answer to what seemed like a life or death situation! It is all well and good being told to display patience in those situations, however unless you have a hint of what the end result might be, you feel like there is no time to sit around to wait and see!

It takes me back to my good ol' cafe working days. The witty and dry humour of elderly people always kept me amused. It was the, "Date or cheese?" replied by "Oh a date with you my dear anyday!! Oh you meant the scones..." It always made me smile through gritted teeth knowing that he wouldn't be the only one that said it that day. However, it's the ladies that used to test my patience, they never quite understood how to wait for their coffee or tea and were constantly asking where it was, knowing too well that they placed their order a maximum of 30 seconds ago!
It must have been hard to learn such values from that generation. Knowing that many of them have probably been psychologically scarred from the rationing times, back in the day, they want what they can get NOW as if they're scared of it running out or never getting their share!

In our classroom, I must say we are blessed with patient children. The children know each other very well and if one is struggling they have the patience and care to offer. I was watching the other day as the children were creating fabric flowers for Christmas presents. One of the boys, who admittedly does not have the best hand eye coordination, was ready to start using the hot glue gun to stick his circles of fabric together. It was then, that one of the older girls offered to show him how it's done. He was quite unwilling to recieve her help, but she persisted until she felt that he was confident to do it himself. It was lovely to see her patience for a child who, in all honesty, was quite rude about recieving her help.

The last few weeks have been a test of patiences on behalf of all teachers, end of year reports are to blame! Yet with reports now out of the way and only 7 days left at school, the stress bubble has burst. End of year preparations are being delt with and closeure to a rollercoaster year is in sight.

The last few weeks, I have noticed the level of my patience, or lack of. It seemed at one point that certain aspects of life were dragging. School felt manic and I felt in the awkward bubble of the unknown at home. I couldn't figure out where to start. The last week, I stepped into gear. I have sold some furniture, reserved a space at a car boot sale, sorted through items for the car boot, arranged appointments regarding loans for next year, I have booked to attend a course in January that will give me a certificate for teaching English abroad, I have booked my flights to England and booked accommodation in Malaysia. On top of that, I have also caught up with some wonderful people this week, either for lunch or movies or just over the phone. Full on, but bursting with enthusiasm now.

Next time I feel in a lull, I should remember to find patience, not to be one of those old biddies wondering where her hot drink is. I need to remember to have faith that the time will come to allow for other thigns to slot into place.

Grape Juice

Thousands of years have passed and yet the elegance and enjoyment of the alcoholic beverage has not ceased. With remnants first discovered in Georgia and Iran, it has travelled through time and explored the world.

I find that these days, the culture within young people is all about who can get the most inebriated and make a fool out of themselves, to win the popularity award for that particular night. If it's a really good night, it often ends up bent over the toilet. What a waste of money?




It has taken me a few years to develop a taste for good wine. I think the taste and the development has always gone hand in hand with the company it is consumed with. I have always enjoyed going to my parents house at the weekend and cracking open the wine, it seems to enhance not only the home cooked meal but also the alternative conversations that seem to crop up!

Yesterday I was contemplating the amount of wine I have consumed the last week, then I smiled at the thought that the wine complimented the company I kept. Two evenings last week, I came home from work, after what seemed like an exhausting time, and settled into the evening with a glass of wine, company of my flatmates girlfriend and good chick flick movies (including the box of tissues). It was exactly what I needed, and the conversations spread into all types of topics, a very enjoyable few evenings and glasses of wine!

Saturday was quite an eventful day in regards to the fact that I was plunged into a pool of water over twenty times by the delightful children in my class. Thankfully, I had the support of my parents who agreed to take me out for a late lunch, sadly I hadn't eaten a lot that day, due to the worry of it coming back up to see the light of day; if not with nerves, by being submerged into a giant bucket. I was treated to a lovely late lunch, Dad sat with his Diet Coke, while Mum and I sipped on our wine that had been recommended to us as a match to our meal. Felt like ladies of leisure, in saying that, I think I earnt that glass of wine!

(Not the greatest picture of me getting dunked...but you get the idea!)



Wine is not just to be enjoyed for its sheer taste, but for the giggles and fanciful conversations to be had.

Suzi vs. The Goldmember

With every hill we climb, there is always the run and a skip on the way down. This last weekend proved to be quite eventful. Since my parents went back to England for three months, I have driven my Dads car. Suzi the vitara is a bit of a beast. She is a mighty girl with a lot of ‘go’ under her bonnet and has been fairly reliable the last five months. With the music going and the horn honking, Suzi has taken me on road trips to Wellington, Ohakune and Rotorua. It’s hard for Suzi, being a rebound from my Corolla. I still feel no car will match my mighty white Corolla! Suzi is not as nippy or as fuel efficient, however, people don’t mess with her like they used to with Rolla. Being a small car can’t be easy, everyone is under the false assumption that a small car is a pile of old crap and that it won’t go very fast. Well let me tell you, my little Rolla was the most reliable and won races against Skyliners, often when they didn’t even consider a race! Our cars have personality, not like that on Disney, but a persona that is also carried by the driver.

As it was my Dads birthday at the weekend, I called him up on Saturday morning and proposed the idea that we go out West Auckland to some of the beautiful beaches out there. I chose to take them to Karekare beach, a beautiful yet windy place that I visited with a friend a few months prior. We all piled into Suzi on Saturday afternoon and started the journey out west.

The roads to the western beaches are steep and windy; twisting from this way to that, the type of road you can do a maximum of 50km, unless you really know the roads and your car. As we descended down the hill side, I was reminded of a sound that Suzi started making a few weeks back. Suzi was getting, what sounded like a bit of arthritis in her limbs, every time we turned into the driveway or such, she would make a little clunk, almost like a groan. This hillside seemed to maximise Suzi’s pain. She began to clunk and groan on every turn. Sometimes just to the right, or just to the left, it was becoming irregular and a little worrying.

We arrived at the beach late afternoon, and although the sand had been heated by the warmth of the sun, the wind was still bitterly cold. The three of us spent an hour walking and mulling around taking in the sheer beauty of the volcanic black sand beach. When realising the time and remembering we were going out later in the evening, we hastily returned to Suzi.




After the drive down the hill, I asked Dad to drive back as the clunking noise Suzi was making was starting to worry me. I didn’t want to be the culprit that hurt her! We began our journey back up the hill, around the chaotic hairpin bends. The clunking started getting louder and more regular, I began to wince on every bend. Expecting the worst to happen! One bend in particular was more ferocious than first thought and as Dad swung the car into the bend, there was an almighty scraping clunk. Unlike the regular clunking we had become immune to, it contributed to a slight rolling feeling. I couldn’t work out if it was my fear playing tricks on me, but from then on, I was freaked!

We drove as slowly as we could without irritating the drivers behind us, pulling over every so often to let the tailgaters pass. As we drove home we discussed what to do with the car. Worried that I would be left without a car, I said to Dad about buying a cheap run around. That’s when the idea popped into Dads head. My friend Eugene is a bit of a master at owning and selling cars. In the few years of driving he has had more cars than hot dinners. Each one, bought, cleaned, spruced up in some way and then sold on. I text him, out of curiosity to see if he had a spare car floating around that I would be able to borrow. His reply was almost immediate and stated that I could borrow his little car, aka the Goldmember. As he is picked up for work and dropped off, it worked out well that he was able to lend me his little car.

Sunday rocked around and Eugene came to drop off the car, we had planned that I would take him back to his house out west (okay, yes this story does sound a little westie). I am pretty confident that I can sit in a car and know how to make it drive. However Goldmember was an exception to the rule. Although I have the know-how to make her drive, it was the routine that was failing me! After being greeted by the dented golden exterior, I jumped in the driver’s seat to feel like I had jumped back in time. The interior was a faded chocolate brown, with a smell that seems to linger in all old cars. With a 1.5 litre engine, 4 gear automatic, I thought to myself that the little Mazda would have been the bees’ knees in its day! Eugene explain about Goldmember’s trouble with reverse and that she needs the help of a choke to get her going when she’s cold. As she was warm from driving to my house, I had no trouble starting the car. As I swung her automatic lever into reverse, I begun to turn the wheel to realise that there was no power steering. At this point I also realised just how weak my arms were!

With Eugene safely dropped off and sometime in the car on my way home, I had begun to get used to the personality of this car. It made me smile just how old and comical it must look on the road. Monday morning came, and with the knowledge of an automatic engine that tends to kick in at least five seconds after you put your foot on the throttle, I decided to get up five minutes early to reduce the risk of hitting too much traffic at the end of the driveway. Off I potter down the path, bags in the back seat, I sat in the driving seat and went to turn the car on. After three attempts and the choke pulled out all the way, I put her in reverse, only to find that as soon as I went to pull away, she stooled. More gas. Damn.




As I drove to work that morning, I laughed. Out loud! I laughed at the old, unreliable car and the coincidence that it was actually what I was counting on for reliability! I put my trust in that car to get me to and from school. Later in the day, I pulled up at the water front to go for a walk along the beach, unaware that the choke was still pulled out, I came to a stop in a parking space and was completely freaked out to find the engine revving over two thousand rev’s! Unable to work out why, I immediately turned the car off and started laughing at myself. Only then did I notice the family of people walking passed, watching me and having a good giggle. I have found myself laughing at the thought of me driving that car every day, I appreciate that car so much, however tragic it sounds! I believe the character and personality of that car has made it all the more amusing and eventful! Thank you Goldmember for stepping in while Suzi was sick!

A Cocktail of Lifes Wants and Needs and the Juice that Holds it Together.

'We spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do.' - Evelyn Underhill

I have written two blogs in the last few weeks that I have not posted, for what reason? Who knows. I am feeling a slight writers block, as I have so much to write but not entirely sure how to let it out...

Maria Montessori wrote a book about what she calls 'The Human Potential'. She stated that every child is born with potential. Potential to be anything or anyone they can imagine. As a child, there are no limits. No one to say that they can't do something. Until they reach an age where they start failing tests or are bullied for some reason or another. Suddenly their perspective of their own potential is shattered and for what? Someone elses judgement?

I was looking through my school exam results this week and chatting to my parents about school and college. The academic side of life seemed to come very easy to my brother, however the rest of us were not the sharpest tools in the shed. Reading through comments that teachers had made about my progress and my grades was enlightening. Although I struggled through school and college, I still feel like I am on my way to succeeding my own potential. It's just my potential did not lay within exam rooms! My Mum was also the same, and although she was terribly hurt by comments that teachers made at school, she still succeeded to be an amazing nurse. There may not be mountains of money sailing into our bank accounts, but the occupations offer us a different reward. Giving and guiding life. Seems like a pretty big job when you consider that some people sit behind a desk all day and determine the interest in wealthy bank accounts. Somehow though, everyone has a use. Whether it is their human potential, only they know.

I visited a friend last week who I met through a course I did a few years ago, it made me recap over things I had learnt when I did the very expensive but amazing course. It offered us the chance to look at life differently, and however much you battle not to get sucked in and fight that your life is perfectly fine and didn't need the course, you get drawn by the sheer transformation in other people. I met people from all walks of life, I truly wondered if I was in the right place. With alcoholics, drug dealers, people going through divorce, business men, I felt slightly out of place. However, I wasn't the only one. For three days, we sat and listened, sharing stories of different experiences, they were related and explained by different theories. At the time I felt like the course was trying to offer answers to things, that I had determind, didn't need answers. It took weeks until I could feel the effects of everything. I am so proud of the amazing friends I met, those 2 years ago. Even now, I know I can count on their support and kind words to guide me. After the course, I began to let down the barriers I had quite amazingly built over the years. I found the confidence to dance, I found the confidence to stand up for myself within work and most importantly I discovered the art of patience and communication, not just with others, but with myself. I figured out my own personality, and began to learn how to react to things in life effectively.

Nothing can take that knowledge away from me, however from time to time, I have to dust the book of knowledge and recap over somethings.

The quote at the beginning is true. Life is never complete unless we have, want or do something. Goals and aspirations are hard to avoid in life! A few months ago, I knew I needed more knowledge to teach in the Montessori field of education. I then decided I wanted to do further study. That is exactly what I am going to do. Without certain elements that have happened the last few years, I am quite sure, I would never have had the determination or confidence to hand in my notice at my first professional place of work.

At the beginning of September, I applied to study in Italy. I have no money saved and have no idea how on earth I will go through with this. But I know I will. Last week, I recieved my letter of acceptence. Italia...here I come!

One of the unpublished blogs I wrote lately, was about how people move on. My ex has successfully moved on and found himself a girl that I am sure is worthy of his love. I have moved on and found a path to my own potential in life. Happiness in two different ways, one is shared in a partnership...the other a quality of life that appeals to me. I may have missed out on my opportunities with some, but have opened up others else where in life.

Spontaneous Decisions

I am sat here at 1-2am, under the influence of 3 glasses of wine, after watching a good philosophical movie plus an emotional rollercoaster of an evening dealing with my own feelings and the tough topic of the opposite sex.

This psychological lull I have found myself in lately, has very much depended on external sources. One of which I confronted today. With great heartache, yet delight I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders. Once again I have placed myself in the 'I'm sick of getting messed around' category of single women. Two weeks ago, I thought I had swam to the surface of that story. Assuming that I had come out of it, I refused to think the worst of a situation.

Today, after spending a lot of time in the lurch- which I find a lot of men do and just don't care that they are treating a woman like that...or just don't even realise- I had a text that confirmed that, well... it was just not meant to be. Silence was how I reacted on the surface, but deep inside me there was rage. Rage that I could, once again, slip into this slimey repetative circle that seems to encompass me.

I realise I had not broken free from that single woman category I had placed myself in. Instead, I am leading myself to believe that men live with no acknowledgement of how the system of feelings and emotions operates in the opposite sex. I know there are guys out there that do, I respect them, but it seems that the men who do have an acknowledgement and an appreciation for how women feel, are all gone...taken...vanished from the streets of singlehood. And to be honest... Good on them! Now I am starting to ramble...Appologies!

This evening, I had the message that made me feel sick. Sick that I had wasted my time and effort on someone who turned out not worthy of it (or maybe they are but will never show it to me). I went to meet a friend in town for a wine. To be honest I do not know this friend exceedingly well, but we have a meeting point, a mutual understanding about men. I realised that, you don't have to know someone greatly, to have a spark, to have that great conversation and to make each other feel better. We poured our hearts out. She said things to me that have cemented in my mind and made me consider things on an entirely different level. We came to the conclusion that all we had found in the likes of single men were...excuse my language...a'holes. We discussed difficulties we have when it comes to moving on from men like the ones we found, and although it is not love, we struggle to be those ideal girls that are "hard to get". Mainly because we are warm hearted friendly people whom hold respect for men and women alike and could never imagine treating anyone in a way that seems "hard to get". Face it. We're too nice.

I have made a pact with my friend. We have agreed not to contact the certain guys that came up in this conversation, and although it seems easy. I find it extraordinarily hard to take someone off my mind when all I can think of are ways to try and make them consider me as a friend and make connections again. For all the bad that someone can do to me, I only ever see the good in someone. It is not until a friend almost puts me up against a mirror and allows me to face the truth, that I will accept it.

After a lovely few wines with this young lady, I rushed off to meet Roshni. Now Roshni and I have a history that dates back a good 3 years. She has seen me through all the extremes. Yet, however different we are, we also have a mutual girl understanding. We went to watch the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I was moved by this film, the first comment I made once the film finished was, "This was exactly the type of movie I needed to see in this frame of mind". I loved it. The movie really exaggerated many attitudes and beliefs I had tried so hard to grasp in life, the things I tell myself over and over to help look at life on a more positive side. However, like having the same teacher since you were 5, you get bored of listening to the same monotone voice slamming off the same 'bumper sticker' phrases about life and how it should be lived. This movie gave me inspiration in a way that it reinforced my outlook on life. There were many quotes that I heard and thought...'I wish I could remember that so I can write it some where and allow it to make me smile'. With my passion to travel, it ticked all the boxes for me and has sparked off some new ideas for my life long plans.

Once the movie was over, Roshni and I went on our usual spontaneous walk, looking for the first thing to do. As we walked down Queen Street, we were approached by a young girl, who sounded latina. She handed us a leaflet to get free drinks in a bar. Great, our ticket to something unplanned. We went to the bar, had a drink and a giggle and felt extremely light and happy after the movie. We continued the night with some food and a rampage of the phone book on my phone. With certain numbers deleted and my own self discipline kicking in, I have decided to break the relationship with my phone and the numbers I was beginning to use on a regular basis.

Even under the influence of a few wines, I feel refreshed from the bubble wrap layer I was sheilding myself with, I have new ideas... now is for transforming them... not dwelling on the old ideas.

I'll leave you with a few quotes from the book/movie-

Eat Pray Love

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life."

"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

A Letter to Myself....

Dear Self,

I have witnessed lately that you are progressively placing life into a deep dark lull of uncertainty. I recognise that life has been extraordinary this year, with ups and downs, and then time when nothing seems to change. I can also see that this is where you are right now. Stuck somewhere in between. Of what you are stuck between, I will never be sure. It is not easy to pull yourself out of this, and often we depend of external sources to help us.

Whether it is the fact that prince charming has not walked into your life and you play gooseberry with your happy couple friends, or that you cannot seem to organise yourself to prevent such a back lash of work, or that you feel like a complete nana and never seem to catch up on sleep, never fear. Things will change when they are ready too. Usually once you have adapted to the lull and found it as normality, your world will get tipped upside down once again and you'll start all over. Apparently life moves in cycles, I believe this is true. I notice that when one thing happens, a whole heap of things start cascading. Sometimes it is a great thing, however it is the way you handle it that will help you. The same applies with how you handle these frequent and unsatisfactory 'lulls'! Keep a positive frame of mind no matter how low the limbo goes. Easier said than done, I know.

In the end, the lull you have put yourself in is all made up. It is something you have created to explain what is going on in life, however your stories have an effect on how you are feeling. If you decide that you are the last single person on earth, then you are dotty. You are not, and if you think you are the only one seeking prince charming, then you are wrong. Yet if you keep telling yourself these stories then you will start believing in them and living by them. Break out of your little cycle of events. Things happen for a reason, just look for them and stop blinding yourself with your constant banter and moaning about life as it is. Appreciate the time you have for yourself and appreciate life on its lull before it gets tossed upside down again.

With love,

Me

Something out of the Norm

The anticipation was lodged at the back of my throat,
My eyes strained against the sunlight as I battled to see,
I wanted to close my eyes and hope it would never happen,
Without the pain, without being witness to her fall,

There, she stood quivering in uncertainty,
Aware this was the end, like walking a plank,
Her balance became uneasy and the pain was trembling,
Right through from the roots of her existence,

Swaying like a boat on the rough Atlantic waters,
She began to cut through the air, slowly at first,
Though she had slipped into a soothing dream,
Allowing her spirit to drift into the unconcious,

Woken by a lash of energy,
A rush of adrenelin,
Shooting through her system,
Finally, she was at peace,

The aroma remained as though her spirit lingered,
Still present and living in disbelief,
Her body exhausted from weeping,
The marks were clear indication of the pain endured.

Her spirit lives on,
Delved in mistrust,
Disrespect from those,
Once held so close and dear,
She lives on in pain and fear.
~

Before your imaginations run wild... no I am not writing about a dead body.

Dawn of the Dead...

School holidays, it is presumed that teachers go on holiday for two weeks, chilling out and doing nothing. I'll let you into a secret, that is partly what we do! But face it, 25 children every day, 25 personalities, 25 individual people all wanting you and your attention... we need a break! Within schools, it is well known that the holidays mean a break for our bodies, which also means, we get sick! All of a sudden, the lingering bugs that the snotty nosed children have passed on to us have a chance to take over our bodies. These school holidays, it did just that.

I had planned with great delight, to head off for a roadtrip for a few days of the holidays. Although I was headed out on my lonesome, I had planned to visit friends down by the mountains and also near the lakes. After a five hour drive, I arrived in the mountains. Within one night of staying there, I could feel it. Creeping from my shoulders, to my neck and onwards to my head. It was taking over.

One evening I was sat in front of the fire, shivering. With a fever and general feeling of crap, I felt like a burden on the guys I was staying with. Appart from feeling like a Zombie, I very much appreciated being looked after and being surrounded by good company. Everyone hates being alone and sick. Making your own medicine and generally having to look after yourself far more than usual! I can always relate to feeling like a child when I am sick, dependent on someone to make me feel better, to be waited on hand and foot and generally be cared for. Everyone feels like that Zombie at some point in time, this is an appreciation to people that have the patience to care for others at such times.

My second part of this blog reflects on the first week of holidays with my mum.

When school finished, I went to visit my parents for a few days. As usual the weekend was full of conversations, wine and home cooked meals! The conversation of exercise came up, we chatted about motivation to go out and try things. Mum and I agreed most people just need a kick up the bum from a friend to get out and try out new activities and exercise classes! In my motivation state of mind, I persuaded Mum to come to Zumba with me. As the HOT new crazy in New Zealand, I was interested to see what it was like and have a good giggle. Mum and I spent an hour wiggling our hips and trying to step to some sort of rythmn! It was a great experience and we thoroughly enjoyed laughing at each other.

I had heard from a friend that there was a local badminton club that run on Tuesday mornings. As I was on holidays, I persuaded Mum to come along and have a hit with me. We were greeted by a fantastic bunch of retired folks, most had had hip or knee replacements! Two hours of frantic badminton, I had blisters on my hands! I can openly admit that those old folks ran rings around me! I couldn't believe just how active they were! It was great fun and exactly what Mum and I wanted to find! Nothing too competitive. All in all, by the time I left Mum and Dad's and headed back to Auckland, I had pulled many muscles in my arms. BUT, it felt great to do something out of our comfort zone.

Stepping out of that comfort zone and doing something different did wonders for our self-confidence! Later that week, when I went on my roadtrip to the mountains, I stayed with people from Argentina. I found myself a little out of my comfort zone when it came to talking and listening, helping the guys practise their English and allowing them to teach me Spanish! Was great fun, but challenging at the same time and I came away more confident with not only my own language but that of Spanish as well.

This blog is very topsy turvy! Sorry! But I have completed Z...! Now to go back to X... I may postpone it for my new blog.

The Forgotten...

Okay... So I forgot X... I was hoping no one would notice... But my Mother did.

I will come back later and write about X...

A Measurement of Time...

There are not many words beginning with the letter Y... However the most obvious has struck me, poked me, and squealed 'Write about me!'. This is the second to last letter in my alphabet of appreciation, it seems to sum up a lot of what has been said before.

At the beginning of this month, I celebrated having been in New Zealand for 5 whole years. Five years of pain, tears, growing stronger, laughter, smiles but most importantly, finding myself.

When I was 14, I found it surreal that my parents would ever consider moving lock stock and barrel to another country. I was getting used to moving around Hampshire, but the other side of the world was a whole different matter. Unaware of what would lay ahead of us. I jumped at the opportunity to do something a little different in life.



At the age of 17, we were renting a cute, yet slightly creepy and extremely damp house that looked over the most magical inlet of water, known as Scotts Landing. We had packed up the contents of our house in England into a blue container and waited just over a month for it to arrive in Auckland. After travelling for three months prior, we were used to not having our stuff and when it finally arrived, it was like Christmas all over again. The first few months we attempted to find our feet. Dad found a job and started experiencing the Kiwi way of life, as Mum and I remained ladies of leisure and explored the local area for a few weeks until we got bored!



Moving away from family and friends never gets easier. You miss them, as if someone is tearing your heart out sometimes. Selfish as it may seem, we all have opportunities that come to our lives, however it is the ones we choose to follow that shape and change us. I have come to accept distance. I hate it, I hate that I have not been present for most of my nephews' lives, I hate how I did not attend my Grandad's funeral. I hated sitting on the plane for 24 hours in anticipation of being reunited with loved ones. It is what it is. I have learnt to live, accept and never regret the life I have chosen.

The five years I have lived in New Zealand have taught me well. I cannot say I have always had the best of luck with experiences, but each has been a lesson. A lesson I may have never experienced if I had not taken the opportunity. Moving here was not easy and I believe for at least the first 3 years we each had problems of home sickness. It was probably easier for me being at university, to meet people, yet it did not cure that yearning for my friends in England. While I was at university, I was also unable to join my parents of their trips back to England each year. It would have been awesome to attend my brothers wedding. However, I had built up a front, I knew deep down that if I went back to England, I would have easily stayed or lived with the pain of homesickness for months after.

When I returned to England over Christmas 2009, I was captured by the love and security I felt being back in the land where I knew the customs. By the end of the 6 weeks, I was debating whether to ditch the job offer in NZ and go back home. England had once again caught me hook, line and sinker. I was affraid of it. For years I had lived in denial saying I could never move back, mainly because I had determination to make life work no matter what happened. However, this story I had been telling myself turned out to be lies. At that point in time, I could have easily slotted back into life in England.



After arriving back to NZ, I was almost adament to get back on a plane and rejoin my sister in the snow. Months passed, life carried on, as does everyone elses, things became difficult and stressful, but the only way I coped was with the friends I have made around me and the personality I have built to deal with life as I know it.

The biggest realisation, is that life moves on. Some people change, some stay the same, some move away. If I was to move back to England, it would be lovely to see everyone again and be surrounded by familiar faces, however, months down the line, I would encounter the same difficulties I have had over here, as funny as it sounds I suddenly wouldn't be the token girl that lives in NZ instead I would be the one that just moved back!!

I thank the last five years for teaching and guiding me to be who I am today, with the life I have lived, the tears I have cried, the laughter, the smiles. It was all worth it.

Dub dub dub...

I have been sat here, procrastinating for at least an hour. With an array of work and planning spread out in front of me, but no inspiration or sparks of enlightenment!

As I was concentrating on driving in a straight line on this very blustery Sunday afternoon, one of my all time favourite songs started playing while my ipod was on shuffle. The song in particular made me think of being back in England over Christmas. The freedom and enjoyment I had when driving up and down, between Hampshire and Wales, visiting friends along the way. It made me think of how far away I feel sometimes, the times when you want to feel close to the people back at home, you often feel even futher apart. As I was driving and listening to this amazing song, I was thinking of just how much I appreciate the messages I recieve on the internet. As the internet is not quite like a phone call, which usually has to be planned a week in advance in order to fit into scheduals and time differences, it is nice to drop a note or a message to friends to let them know how much we think and care about them.

The world wide web can be a dangerous place in the hands of the inconciderate people that may use it for the wrong reasons. However, I have been a member of social sites for a while now, updating pictures, my status and sending messages to old friends from school. Sometimes, when I am talking to friends online, I feel like I could just jump in the car and go catch them for coffee or a catch up, forgetting that they are still half way around the world. With thanks to the internet, it is nice to feel close to people even half way around the world. Writing letters to each other is exciting and a lovely suprise, however for those busy people with busy lives, it is great to log on and have a quick catch up, keeping those connections to the people and places in life.



I miss people abroad a great deal. With friends all over Europe, I am appreciative of the world wide web (www. or dub dub dub) to enable people to keep in contact. To add to that, I love webcam's. I love how my brother will pop the webcam on and I immediately see my gorgeous nephew beaming at the picture on the screen. However much I wish I was there to give him a big scrumptous kiss, it makes me appreciate the times I do see the little fella online. I also love being able to catch my best friend online, to laugh at each other sat in our pajamas with bed-hair due to the time in the day that we chat!

Thank you internet! :) - I forgot to mention how much I hate the internet when it crashes etc... but I will keep it jolly and happy and ignore that side of it!

Vengance...

It has taken me AGES to think of something beginning with V that I would actually be able to write about! You may think this is a rather peculiar topic, I would have to agree. Yes it is. However within this blog, I am going to be brutally honest! One day, it might coming back to haunt me! Who knows!

I was chatting to my flatmate today, often we have very random conversations. He has heard it all, when my parents were away, when my friends weren't around. I bitched and slagged to the poor boy. With knowledge of who I am and what I am like, he's a pretty good councillor! Today I was reflecting on certain topics that have come up in the recent months.

Having being single for a good few months now, Jordan has heard all about the text messages, the emails and the people I have met lately! Like anyone would, you come across the guys that are a complete waste of time. It's not until you have been slapped around the face with reality that you realise just how much of a waste it was. However, we learn from that!

There is one person in particular, I feel that the dust has not yet settled. Maybe I am complicated, maybe I am just normal, but when you start seeing someone, you presume there should be a certain amount of communication. Unless they really dislike you, then it makes you wonder what they are doing playing you around in the first place. Although I feel I have moved on from the situation, there is still that feeling... that bitter and chilling feeling that creeps out on the occasion. A feeling that only really emerges when you have been hurt in some form. It doesn't have to be a knife through the heart, but enough to make you think twice about who you are.

Vengance or revenge is definately frowned upon in society. It is certainly not encouraged. However, I find myself, naturally, seeking some kind of retribution in these situations. It doesn't have to be big, but enough to make that person think twice about how they treat other people. It is not a great trait to admit to. Really I am just filling this space on my blog. But also I am admitting to myself something I do that I am not that proud of. These people that hurt others in this way, are worth nothing. If they have no respect for others, then how can they encourage respect in return? I try to take the attitude of 'water off a ducks back', which is easier said than done! I have to come to grips with the fact that, these people will learn, maybe not now but in their own time, when they are open minded enough to approach that situation.

Thankfully, after talking to my flatmate, I realised I am not the only person that feels that way!

The Unknown...

I begin this blog with a tale of my experiences last night in Auckland City.

While leisurely walking up Queen St with my dear friend Roshni, we were stumbled upon by a lady. I will not include ethinicity or other details because they seem irrelevent. Having been one of those poor people that stood on the streets and gave out leaflets in the English winter, I know how it feels to try and get peoples attention. I offered her our attention, she asked us if we knew Jesus Christ. At this point, I will usually stand for a minute or two, hear them out then say thanks and walk on. However when I replied in wit, "No not personally!", She told us we didn't know anything. At this point, I laughed. I handed her leaflet back and said "I am sorry I do not wish to be patronised by people who think I know nothing." I can tell you now, she did not look like an educated woman. However she believed in Jesus Christ. So apparently, she knew everything. Roshni and I shortly walked off and ignored her.

Why is it that what is naturally unknown in our world, has had answers established to try and explain it. Why is it people cannot live without knowing? Are humans really that insecure and narrow minded? I have no problem with religion. My view is that people believe what they want to believe. Personally I enjoy taking elements of a few religions in particular, and leave the rest to my own imagination rather than being influenced by someone else. Really this blog is a little rant and rave.

When approached by that woman, I responded with an open-mind. But to instantly be shot down for who I am and what I stand for, defeats the point. Why is it we cannot simply have faith in ourselves and the people around us? Why do some individuals try and influence people so much, surely if it is a great religious path, demonstrate and show it rather than forcing it down peoples throats.

The unknown seems like such a threat to some people. But we live it everyday. Many people plan their lives to the minute, but either the weather or their mood may change. There are so many elements in this world that offer change that we cannot plan yet simply live the mysterious, unknown and take it with open mind and heart. By having faith it allows us to deal with life the ups and the downs.



Who knows what will happen in years to come, all in all though... anything can happen. Be true to yourself and have faith in what you believe, don't push it upon other people, allow their imaginations to run wild too.

Take a trip...

When does life sort itself out? Does it ever? Or do we continue to cascade through our day to day activities in hope there will be light at the end of the tunnel? I guess even influencial people such as Bob Marley, who chose NOT to stay grounded to real life, still had issues! Do we ever get away?

The last three months I have had the opportunity to leave the city and escape to an empty, slightly creepy yet peaceful home in the country. Blessed with beautiful views of the native bush, during the day this house is revitalising. I love to sit and watch the wildlife and weather, I should get the rocking chair just to complete my nana image!



However far, travelling out of the norm does wonders for the spirit. I only have to drive an hour north to arrive at this glorious spot. Literally a home away from home but without the lingering stress clouds that seem to hover over my house in the city.

Yesterday, I took a drive out to Omaha beach. In winter, it is deserted but still utterly stunning. Mum and I would take regular trips to walk along the beach, however while on my own, I enjoy sitting and watching the waves, the colours in the water and how they change as the shadows of clouds pass by over head. There is something about that beach that captures me. Like leaving life behind for a while.




Mother nature never ceases to amaze me. I've come to notice the smallest elements in our environment, probably with maturity, but essentially with the priviledge and enthusiasm to travel. I have been to a fair few countries in my time. There is only one continent I have not set foot in. There is only one ocean I have not swam in (or dipped my feet!). Each country a totally different experience. Albeit most of these travels were thanks to my parents and their passion. Their reasons to travel were to see the sights and cultures.

Travel leads us to unique adventures that cement in our memory. The experiences we obtain inspire our minds and feed our hunger for knowledge of the unknown. The longer we stay and live in our reclusive worlds, the larger the unknown. We don't know what we don't know. Yes I phrased that right! Never knowing what we're missing until we step out and find it.

Simply a five minute drive down unknown streets in the city to that of a 25 hour plane flight, can unlock the boundaries our minds are set in when contending with the daily norm.



Try it. Be random. Go somewhere daring and learn more about where you are in place and time.

Sick days...

Sick days... time to cacoon yourself in the duvet, watch soppy romantic comedies, drink lemsips and have a box of tissues within an arms reach.

I have done exactly that for the last three days. I hate it! Like my Mum, I dislike being sick and feeling incapable of doing anything! It all started on Sunday night, when I felt like someone had hit me around the head with a brick. It wasn't a pleasant experience as I was driving home from the supermarket! I sat on the sofa clutching my head assuming it must be from the lack of sleep. Admittedly I did go out on Friday night, and had a maximum of two hours kip. As my head spun, I knew it must be karma!



This head spinning, progressed into other cold symptoms, and I knew then...I was not going to make it through winter without getting sick! *bummer*. As my co-teacher had pulled her back at the weekend, I felt mortified to tell her that I was also feeling sick! We planned our attack at 7am on Monday morning and sent in all our planning for a reliever at school. Feeling helpless, I sat at home feeling sorry for myself.

Three days have passed, each day feeling slightly better, yet not completely kicking the cold off. However sorry for myself I have felt, the last few days have been suprisingly productive, with many things scattered with importance, I sat down and sorted out getting a plumber to go to my parents house to fix the water, before they arrive home, I paid my parents bills, I organised repayments on my student loan... and many more silly things that seem to build up!

However nice it has been to actually take time to recover and get over this sickness, I have really disliked being away from normality. And it makes me appreciate how strangely great a routine and a normal day really is. Oddly enough, I miss the children at school and I miss being in the classroom! Maybe sick days have made me mad...

I want to thank my co-teacher with how supportive yet firm she has been this week, telling me to stay home if I don't feel good and generally being awesome. Thank you!

Warm Fuzzies

My original idea...had been taken by a friend with obviously similar ideas to me!

I guess the Aboriginies thought they had come up with a pretty great idea when they designed the boomerang; throw something and it comes back to you and hopefully kills something yummy on the way? I wish more things in life would work like a boomerang.

What prompted me to write this blog was the idea of thoughts and gestures that give you warm fuzzies when they are recieved and returned. Recently I have recieved parcels from my parents in England. I guess we have a mutual understanding of how exciting it is to get a parcel from half way around the world, even if you spent most of your life there! Strangely enough in my parcels I have had a range of things from Marks and Spencer underwear to proper Cadbury chocolate! I love these gestures of kindness, they give me warm fuzzies. With a lack of money, there are limited things I can do to return my thoughts and warm fuzzies! So I sent my parents a card to show my appreciation for my lovely parcels. It was great to feel like I had returned a small gesture!

Friends have commented that the relationship I have with my parents is pretty cool. And I would have to agree. In some ways, I think I have moving abroad with them to thank. Pretty much depending on each other for social and emotional support until we were truely starting to settle into the country. It was hard, just like any parents I want to slam doors in their faces and have a tanty in front of them sometimes. But the relationship I have with them, is unique. We dragged each other through some tough times, yet I am glad. They know me for me... not a front I put on. They know all about what I get up to! They comment and tell me 'You're a little bugger!'... The last few months that they have been back in England has actually gone quite fast. I trust they have enjoyed their time in England with family and friends. Looking after the house and partially looking after a bunch of sheep hasn't been greatly desirable! They will be coming to the end of their three month trip soon and I look forward to their return to the land of the long white cloud, essentially just so I can have a good home cooked dinner, a free bottle of wine and listen to my parents telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing!

My sister once told me, "If it is true, it will come back to you". If it's meant to be in your life, although it may depart for a while, like a boomerang it will return! Just make sure you catch it! I reckon, that saying applies to all relationships. :)

Q! Que?! What!? Q!

I am going to start this blog with a Question, what is the purpose of a question? Does it allow us to be nosey? Ask too much? If we don't ask one, does that mean we don't care or that we are rude? A question is a way of pin pointing what we want to know, right? Unless of course it is a rhetorical question!

As a child and throughout school, there was a constant murmur from the teacher, exaggerating the use of the 'Who, what, where, why, when, how?' and whether we had answered it in our writing. I hear myself asking the children in my class, because face it, judging by the pictures and three words, you have no idea what they are trying to explain! I guess when you're an adult or a child writing stories, narratives or reports, those six questions guide our understanding of what the author is trying to explain. Our understanding and knowledge is based on the author knowing what is going to unfold in their writing.

Have you ever sat and wondered about your own life, where you're going, what you're planning to do, who you might find yourself with in years to come? These are questions I pose to myself on a daily basis because what I don't know, I don't know. As far as we are aware, we have no author writing the story of our lives prior to us living it. Imagine the alterations that could have been made! Ditched a few pages of our lives, or skip a few chapters! It is hard to come to terms with the fact that we lack hind sight and the answers to all our questions. Never really knowing.

After living with a dear friend of the family, I began to look at things a little differently. We often sat down in the evenings and talked about positives and negatives from our day. But what I really used to enjoy was a set of cards that Cheryl had, known as 'self-care' cards...sounds random but I think women appreciate them a little more! Basically they are cards with different pictures and sayings which help reflect on things alternatively! One that often came up for me was-

"Peace- Let there be peace in not knowing all the answers."

Now, I think of that saying and reflect on all the pressing issues and questions swirling around in my head. There are some questions that will be answered immediately. Some that should not be answered, simply experienced.

Sweet Pea

I am forever thankful to Alexander Graham Bell for inventing something that many of us cannot live without! A device that many people have a love hate relationship with, the phone!

This week I have caught up with two close friends of mine from school/college days back in England. It is not often that the time differences allow us the opportunity to chat to people half way around the world, but this week I have been very fortunate! However far away you are, the phone can allow those warm fuzzy moments with far away friends! When contact is so hard, it makes those seldom phone calls really special.



It is amazing the amount of small details we miss in each others lives, I forgot how enjoyable it was to talk to my friend Laura! I feel that I can talk about anything with her and unload all the gossip! Becky on the other hand, has me in fits of giggles most of the conversation!It's so great to rediscover those fantastic reasons we are friends! We sail our own seperate paths of life, yet it's so great to know that simply dialing a number and waiting for someone to pick up the phone allows us to cross paths and connect with one another.



A few months ago, Tez and I were running out of ideas for the children doing their gratitude circle at the end of the day. We decided to give each child a letter of the alphabet and think of something they are grateful for! The children were given all day to think about it and we sat down in the afternoon to share what the children came up with. Every child came up with something very heart warming and cute, one child was thankful for their Mum and her homemade cakes, another was thankful for the Sun and how it keeps us warm and happy! The one that really stays cemented in my memory was P. The child explained that they were very thankful for the phone because they loved calling their grandparents in England. At this point Tez and I started welling up with tears!

Like the child in my class, I also enjoy calling and talking to family in England. I love every random conversation I have with my brother. I love when I manage to catch my sister at home for a chat! Although Mum and Dad are usually here in New Zealand, while they are back in England travelling, it's great being able to text and call them for support and advice!

Of course the only thing better than a phone...is actually having the person with you. But I think a phone call is a lot cheaper...most of the time!

Be prepared!

“The secret of all victory lies in the organisation of the non-obvious.”- Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor 121-180 AD).

Almost a year ago, I started preparing my final presentation at university. It was the big one! We had been asked to present our philosophy of teaching. Not the easiest thing I have ever done, and I do find that university loads you up with a load of jargon sometimes! When the assessment had been explained to us, I was delighted that the ideas were flowing!!

Months before the presentation date, I had all the ideas of how and what to present. Unlike usual presentations using powerpoint, I decided to do something a little more 'hands-on'! I remember keeping my ideas quiet, and when people asked me what I was using to aide my presentation, I said "A bag of balls"! Yes, I turned up on the day with a bag of balls! I invited 9 people from the audience to help me. I gave each of them a ball marked with the name of a planet and asked them to organise themselves in order from closest to the Sun. Each planet represented something from my philosophy, the Sun was the child...and the rest I cannot remember! Planning had always been emphasised at university; our planning was assessed after every school placement we went on. By having one of the planets represesnting organisation and planning, I acknowledged its importance in teaching.

This is where it becomes a little hypocritical... apart for the topics and the presenting of my philosophy, I did not plan what to say! I felt that if I planned I would be even more nervous and paranoid about saying the right and wrong thing! I knew my philosophy better than anyone!

Being organised is easier said than done especially when you lack vital knowledge or direction. Often I'm forgetful of what is happening at school, forever being reminded. In past jobs, I went through that inital period of not knowing anything and learning all of what there was by being told time after time, slowly beaten into my head. I have been at school for over half a year now, I learn something new everyday, yet it annoys me that I do not know more! That my mind is not retaining all the information that floats past me day to day! I guess when you have the knowledge and confidence in what you do, organisation becomes so much easier. The initial learning period at school will be a long one...an endless amount of information to learn, I think I will have to start being picky as to what to retain and what not too!

I am very grateful for those that I work with in directing me everyday, and I thank you for your patience when reminding me of something for the third or fourth time!

The picture I have posted is of our jump for joy after sitting through a day of presentations on our last day of uni!

New Beginnings

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.” - Buddha

There are certain points in life when we have to grant ourselves a new beginning. More often than not I would live in denial, reluctant to give up what I knew of, the comfort zone. When stepping out of that box, it's all too easy to run back, to jump back into the box of safety and security in the hope that the tape will be firmly stuck down.

I have returned to that box many times in the past. I believe some of the insecurities I held had been obtained by leaving my comfort zone in England. When I first arrived in NZ, climbing out of that box and into the unknown was a fear I had to face. A few times I jumped out feeling confident, forgetting my fears until getting kicked back to reality. After that I very rarely left the box without a safety rope!

Three times I have tried for a new beginning from my ex. Twice we found our safety rope and recluded to the box we had subconciously constructed around us. However, before returning, I tasted the life I had been seeking. Filled with fun and amusement, without having to be aware of what the other person felt or what they thought. It was a liberating feeling!

This new beginning will possibly be like the others, however from past experiences I am more aware that I do not have a safety rope, and secondly I don't need a safety rope. The walls of my box have been broken. I have to prepare myself to put my life and happiness before that of my securities, push the limits of my comfort zone so I don't find my mind or heart running back to what it knows.

To start off this New Beginning, my friend and I arranged a roadtrip to Wellington to meet up with a friend. Roadtrips are always liberating, the free open road ahead. No hassles or cares, just good times. The weekend we spent away was full of spontanious decisions, totally unplanned and exactly as we'd hoped it would turn out. Many times that weekend, I stepped out of my comfort zone, not in a ridiculous manner...but enough to experience the things that I enjoyed again! I met some amazing people on our travels and I found the whole adventure inspirational. I came home with a clear head, yet full of ideas for this new beginning.

A new beginning doesn't just happen over night, it takes time and thought to make it truely NEW and fresh! It takes a clear head and a positive disposition to not look back at the box or the safety rope left behind. So... Here goes!

"Every new beginning comes from someother beginnings end..."

Morning Refresh

For many weeks I knew what I was going to write about for M. However an emotional rollercoaster of a week has made me want to write about another topic. Originally, I was going to write about my Dad but I feel that can come a little later. This blog is needed.

As it was nearing the end of a very long term, the children were going slightly crazy and to be honest they weren't the only ones. What with report writing and then editing them individually a hundred times (slight exaggeration), followed by my first parent teacher interviews, work seemed to follow my thoughts everywhere. Everything started becoming deadlines, things to do before the end of term. I swear my head has been jumbled for the last few weeks...possibly months! On top of that, my emotional situation became delicate this week. With a relationship on the rocks and counting the days until break up, I was slowly getting irritated and upset with myself and the people around me. After the parent interview shin dig, my co-teacher and I were told a member of our class was leaving at the end of the week. We weren't prepared for this news and in our stressed out, end of term state of mind, we became increasingly emotional. This particular child made the class interesting, fun and testing at times. With a lovely personality and real spunkyness. Their mother has been a solid rock of support for my co-teacher and I. With her level headedness she helped us through situations like camp...and help me when I accidently killed all of the peace lillies in class (sorry Tez!). The end of the week came very quickly and we arranged a 'farewell' group for the child. Seeing other children in floods of tears tested my strength! It was very hard to allow them to leave the close nit community.

I arrived home after a glass of wine with fellow teachers and the prinicpal, feeling happier yet still reflective. A close friend of mine popped by and dropped me a letter that then set me in my stead for the evening. I have always found writing my thoughts a lot easier than talking about them, however I never knew this side of my boyfriend. The letter did what we couldn't do face to face. Knowing we have seperate directions in life, yet two and a half years down the line...it's hard to let go of the person that has always been there for you. Having been in New Zealand for four years, nearly three of those years were spent with Christian. Off and on, and messy at times. But always appreciative of each other. Things had changed over these years, and essentially we continued to try and hold on to the relationship we first had, ignoring the changes and unable to adapt. With plans for our futures developing, we knew the end was near and the love for each other was slowly fading as we were following our paths to the future...like a fork in the road.

Last night, I spent most of time on the phone. The first phone call to my parents I spent the whole time in tears. Overwhelmed by everything. Everything came up and out and I sobbed for the world. After an hour, they had to run my Nephew to school (they're in Wales at the moment). So as a start to my refresh, I changed my bed sheets and did the washing up, knowing that this would benefit my state of mind by the morning. Twenty minutes later I had another call from my parents, I think I had worried them with how depressive I was sounding! This time, the phone call was not full of tears. More of understanding and positive vibes. I sat and chatted to them and sipped a whiskey. What a Friday night!

I awoke at 7.30 this morning. I debated whether to be lazy and lay there. I debated whether to text a friend and ask if they wanted to go walking. I then thought, depending on others and their company does not really help my independence. So, I got up and dressed. Leaving my phone on my bedside table, I left the house and jumped in the car. Five minutes later I pulled up outside a cafe selling my favourite coffee. I swindled them slightly being 10cents short of a $4 coffee, but I'll go back tomorrow and leave a tip I think. I took my coffee to the beach.

The sun had gently risen, the grass was still laden with dew and there was not a cloud in the pale blue and pink sky. I sat on a bench with my coffee warming my hands, aware of the joggers trapessing past behind me, my eyes fell on the dog walkers throwing sticks and tennis balls out into the tranquil water. It made me think of how the earth seems to start all over again in the morning. As if, the traffic and people have not disturbed it yet and it can just be natural. It made me ponder on the phrase, 'Tomorrow is another day'.

I arrived home and felt amazingly refreshed. Still aware of the presence of my feelings, yet able to accept them. It is the way it is, I am allowed to feel this way, but I should not allow it to take over my appreciation for other things. Looking out of the window now, I see the houses and the sky is dotted with clouds. This morning was special.

The picture, I took on Thursday morning as I arrived at school. Every morning I think about how beautiful it is and how I should take a picture. I made time to appreciate it that morning.

La de da!

I am approaching the half way mark of my alphabet of gratitude, I now find myself planning the letters ahead just so I can write about the topics I want to!

We think of the letter L in relation to to many things... first word that usually comes to mind would be Love. But! I am going to be different, as love is such a hectic subject and I think enough people have attempted to analyse it!

L= My Love for Lyrics and how they affect my Life.

For many years I have practiced the art of picking up lyrics from listening to a song a few times (often the words turn out slightly wrong...but hey that's ok). I find myself lecturing my Mum sometimes with lyrics from popular songs on the radio! Anyway...slightly off topic!

Songs and their lyrics have a huge influence on the listener depending on how they interpret it. Lyrics are a form of expression and I find more often that now, there will be a line or phrase that will reel you in and get you hooked. Whether you scream it high pitch in the car enroute to work, in the shower with an audience of cosmetics or even kareoke after a few drinks! These occurances allow you to reminisce about the song.

I generally relate songs to people or situations. The best breakup music would be Alanis Morissette or Pink! Some of the most though provoking lyrics come from the days of drugs, freedom of speech and politics. Being my fathers daughter, Pink Floyd took pride place in the cassette player when I would go to work with him. I believe everyone has a selection of songs that bring back memories. My best friend and I went through a phase of memorising the warped lyrics of Tenacious D! These days we resort to the romantic inspiring words of Paolo Nutini.

Lyrics really can remedy some situations. I have found myself thinking twice about things after listening to a song. It is almost like having a friends opinion. Music and lyrics often suit a persons mood. I am very lucky to experience kiwi music with the awesome reggae tones and beautiful yet funky country folk music, each of which portrays the way they perscieve the world.

I am thankful to friends for introducing new music and different tunes. I also appreciate the musical education my parents gave me with their classic Motown and rock trends.

I appreciate music not just for the talented compositions, but also for the affective and inspiring lyrics.

I will leave you with a few lines of some of my favourite songs.

"And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." - Pink Floyd, Time.

"If you love the life you live
Then you'll get a lot more done
Be more inclined to take the reins
Than turn away and run
It's very rare it seems to get a lifetime guarantee,
So I suppose self satisfaction be the key"- Paolo Nutini, Simple Things


"To really love a woman
To understand her, you got to know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
And give her wings, when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman."- Bryan Adams, Have you ever really loved a woman?

Kicking K

K...Katy...K...Kiting...K...Knowledge

There are not many things that I can relate to that begin with K. So I am just going to whip up what I know of and see how it flows!

Back in the days of school, I got involved in powerkiting, thanks to some lovely young lads who would tie me on to a 6 metre kite and watch me fly away. It used to be something that always came up in conversation, we would head out to Brighton and watch the kitesurfing contests, there were times of ridiculousness when ideas popped up, like getting an oil tray or a skim board and go snowkiting across the golf course! There were times we sent the 6 metre up in gail force winds and watched others ploughing through the boggy rugby fields. To this day, I live with the knowledge and the skill it takes to powerkite. When I came to New Zealand, I remember travelling down to Tauranga with my family and watching the kitesurfers, one of which crashed his kite on the sand and looked lost with no one around to help. At this point I plucked up the courage to walk over to the person, who turned out to be a fine looking young kiwi boy, and I asked if he needed help. With suprise he realised I had the know-how to launch his 15 metre kite! I walked away feeling very proud of myself! So I write this blog of gratitude to the knowledge and skills I picked up from my kiting days with Mike and friends. I continue to powerkite with my wee 3 metre beast, and there are days I miss taking those roadtrips out to the beach specifically to find wind!

The picture was taken out at Pakiri Beach, about half hour from my parents place. It's such an awesome beach with beautiful views and almost always on shore wind! :) Plus it's soft on your bum when you get dragged!

Journée

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”- Don Williams, Jr.

As a few of my past blogs have suggested, I have a passion to think that we all have a purpose and that nothing is a coincidence. People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. This blog is about the Journey.

Everyone has an alternative journey through life. These journey's are based on choices. The world is our oyster, opportunities are endless, based on our choices of what to pursue and when.

Our journey is endless, forever working towards something. However, this something transforms down the paths we take,through corners we make, every speed bump we hit... Once you get a taste of something you like, you want more, the journey alters and you glide through with countless memories and experiences, all the wiser for stepping out and exploring the path you chose.



Sometimes, we lose focus of where our journey is taking us. Wondering what we are doing with our lives, waiting for the big break through. But in the end, why worry about where it's going when you could sit back and enjoy the ride it is taking you on.

Having gradutated from university last year and found myself an occupation to pursue as a beginning teacher, I am becoming familiar with the journeys that my passion and profession could take me on. There are many paths to choose and opportunities out there...waiting for me. I have been setting everything down to timings in life, planning months and years ahead, where I want to be and when and somewhat believing I have hindsight. Anything could happen! For now, I am going to try and enjoy the ride, even if I have to contend with a lack of sleep and a fuzzy head every weekend! I am just going to appreciate what I am learning at this stage in my journey.

I found the letter J hard to think about, impossible to find a word to relate too! I did think about the Bob Marley song Jamming... But couldn't think of enough to write about it! This blog ties in with many of my others, just giving my perspective on life I guess! :)

The Power of Imagination

The imagination allows children to make ideas and perceptions of their own; this then creates their personality. Dr Montessori believed it was very important to give children the freedom to imagine and create ideas, She explained the process similar to that of a flower, by cultivating the flower of humanity we should expect richer and more beautiful forms.

As an adult, our imagination is like a caged animal, feasting upon opportunities for freedom and running wild. Once we allow it to wander from its captivity, it is mighty difficult to tame.

The imagination is key to creativity. Having once wrote an assignment on creativity based on Montessori Philosophy, I feel it would be quite easy to look over what I have written previously. However that would not be creative or original!

Experiences and inspiration is what the imagination relies on, like children taunting and encouraging each other to go further, to prove himself. Nothing man made on this planet...and beyond that even... has been created without the power of the imagination.

It allows us to be creative at work, play and in generally in life. If i did not have the inspiration from friends and experiences of prior travels, I would not imagine where I want to go in my life time.

I believe problems arrise when your mind over rides the imagination. Bringing it swiftly back down to earth. Telling us " there is no point imaginating that because I cannot do this...", forever picking out the negatives and never running free with the positives.

Don't let you mind cage your imagination...set it free once and a while...see where it may take you!

Healing

Engrossed in the things happening around us, I believe we can forget to stop and absorb our feelings. Lately, possibly the time of year for some cases, many of my friends and myself have been through situations which need a little time to heal.

Healing sounds a little spiritual sometimes, I guess in my own opinion it is, I see it as time to cover the wounds and find that strong person inside again, ready to face another day. I believe, whatever the age or sex, a human being needs to allow time to sit and ponder their thoughts and feelings.

In all honestly, my healing often consists of covering the wound of loneliness. However many great friends I have! All too often afraid of being alone, for three weeks, months or even years. Whether the closest people are on holiday, half way round the world or simply around the road but far too busy, there will always be an element of loneliness. Deep down I know I am not alone. I guess our mind runs away with our heart sometimes.

The point is, healing is needed to keep us emotionally and spiritually sane and ready for what the world is to throw at us. It consists of time.

Time to agree to your girlfirends to meet them at the movies, time to do the things you love but never get around too and most importantly time to be on your own and reconnect with your self. As Marvin Gaye once sung about Sexual Healing... I guess he was going along the same lines!?

Grandparents

It struck me yesterday while writing the last blog on my family, that I have never really expressed my feelings towards my grandparents, and I believe it is an appropriate time and stage in my appreciation alphabet!

"What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies." ~Rudolph Giuliani

Having grown up with my Nan and Grandad on my Dad's side, I knew of Sunday afternoon's playing Yahtzee, mornings with my Nan and her friends playing a board game my Grandad had put together, watching Bob Ross with my Nan as she had canvas after canvas of the same mountain setting, one with a sunset another with a sunny day and so on. For many years I have compared my grandparents with some of my friends grandparents, and thought why can't my grandparents do that or be like that? Always wanting more. Childish and selfish. However, looking back, I couldn't ask for better. They were unique and lovely as they were. However many cigarettes my Nan smoked a day or however funny it was to hear my Grandad passing wind in the kitchen when making the cups of tea, I loved them exactly the way they were.

To hear of the stories from their childhoods, was like stepping into the depths of a novel, entwined with memories of war, of evacuation, of love and most importantly of life as they knew it. Unfortunatly my Nan passed away before I got to the age that I could really appreciate these stories. However, when my Nan passed, my Grandad had the spotlight, he spoke about being part of the liberation at Belsen concentration camp, about driving tanks and about meeting my Nan. Later I was to find out that one of my Grandad's best friends was killed within metres of him while at war. A life so different to that of the present day.

Everyday, I think of my Mums parents. Grandparents that unfortunatly I never knew of. To this day, I am jealous that my brother and sister have some memories of my Mums parents. Yet, even though I never got to know them, my Mum tells me stories of how wonderful they were. One that stays fresh in my mind is when my Mum was pregnant with me, my Nana was slowly dieing from cancer. My Mum used to pamper her and keep her looking beautiful, one day my Mum was plucking her eyebrows (as you do!) and apparently I kicked her in the head. My Nana immediately said, that definately a Katy! Well I am proof that she was right!

I was fortunate to have the grandparents that I did, and I learnt from the grandparents that have passed. That even though they may not physically be there, I know they are always around me in one way or another.



My blogs have become more involved around my life... and not things in general! I guess these are just things that I felt like writing about... and that is what a blog is for! :)

Mi Familia

It has taken me the last month to gather inspiration for this blog. I knew it was there I just did not know how to write it down. My next letter relates to people that are the closest to me. Thick as thieves, as my sister would say.

My family, it's no normal family! Apart from being spread around the world, we contain a few different cultures. My aunty is a fine French woman, my brother-in-law a proud Welsh man. I have family in Canada, Australia, Europe. Yes they are all English speaking countries, but we are so far away from each other! The thing is, however many miles apart we are, they still remain close to your heart.

I have very vague memories of my sister living under the same roof as me. With quite a big age gap between us we were not particularly close when I was a child and she was a teenager! Years have gone by, after going back to England over Christmas 2009, I found a whole new relationship with my sister, one on a completely different level. Of two adults, able to talk on the same level about similar things, to enjoy time doing sister stuff that we have never been able to do!



My brother and I have a great relationship, and however much we miss each other, we still give each other an ear full over the phone. Having travelled around Australia for a year on his own, I guess my brother can relate very well to being half way around the world to family and friends.

My parents and I have been on a whirlwind adventure the last four years. Egging each other on, trying to be strong through tough situations and generally keeping each other amused! I have personally put my parents through some tough situations over the last four years, and I give my utter most respect for how my parents handled me! I sometimes wonder what the relationship with them would be like if we hadn't moved to NZ. I am glad we stepped out of our comfort zones to experience the unknown.



Families are priceless, the experiences and the love that I have for my family cannot be described. I think of my brother, sister and their families everyday. I miss them everyday. But if I hadn't been here the last 4 years, I don't think I would have the same appreciation that I do now.

Recently my co-teacher had a member of her family pass away. I try to offer hugs and support in anyway possible, but I find that it involves listening, not advising because I have no idea how it would feel in her position, I simply listen and enjoy her stories and memories of her family. I appreciate that she is happy to share and appreciate these memories with me. Thank you Tez.

My Grandad... actually... I will save that for my next blog!

Opportunities for Experience...

Wherever we are and whatever happens, our senses allow us to absorb what is going on in and around us. They are psychological methods of perception. Traditionally we rely on our five senses. Working as a team, if one of our senses fails or lacks reliability, the other senses make up for it.

Have you ever been blind folded and relied on your hearing? Notice you can hear ten times better? Imagine living without one of these elements, never knowing the pleasant fragrance of cut grass, not knowing the sound of the waves crashing upon the beach. Many people live without one of these senses. It makes me smile to think of my Grandad with his hearing aid, when we grandchildren were younger, louder and irritating he would secretly turn down his hearing aid! In a weird way it must be nice to turn off some senses. I would love to turn my ears off to some of the sounds around me. Like the sound of the main road...replace it with the sound of birds!

I am heading a little off topic, as usual!

Our senses allow us to experience life the way we choose too.



(My beautiful Nephew discovering his sense of touch!)

Life is one huge experience, unlike anyone else’s. Personally, I have been through the ups and downs, choosing to accept it and learn from it, it’s difficult to let go of the want to make things right. But what is right and wrong? We live our lives differently and as long as we enjoy them the way they are, then there should not be a problem! I gave up trying to make things right! Experiences make us the people that we are, they are our make up. Our reaction to these experiences is what defines us.

As discussed with some of the children in my class last term, two people may get pushed over in the playground, yet one may just get up and walk away and the other might make a huge deal out of it! Reactions, feelings and perceptions are unique to us. Experiences are just the trips that allow us recognise who we are.

As proved at the conferences I went to a few weeks ago, one element of the Montessori teaching philosophy encourages teachers to set out a classroom full of opportunities for the children to experience.

Our learning is based on experience.